Mid-pregnancy update

Its already passed 5 months.

Early pregnancy quite challenging. Having bad morning sickness even in evening 😬.


Almost everynight, baby received kisses from his/her brothers especially Harith. Ersyad jual mahal sikit but when he is in the mood, I pun cair..Sanggup tahan mengantuk tengok Ersyad care of the baby and myself 🤭🤭
Previously during 1 st trimester, can't do much. Have to rest all time at home. My Charming did everything. Can see he's really tired but still I seek attention from him 😅. But, recently start to go to office as my manager was warded and have been sick..So, I'm taking in charge 😎😎😎. Quite tired but it helps regulate my emotions so much.

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Surprise!

Ak kalau ada stock pregnancy test, mmg suka nk test beberapa hari sebelum period. This time ak test abou 4 days before estimation period date. Tiba-tiba ternampaklah garis kedua yg sangat2 samar lps few minuters. Haa!! Alamak, tp sebab terlampau samar n lambat keluar line ni, ak decide xnk berharap dulu..Esok pagi ak try lg.

Dah few months dah try to get new baby, xtaulah hati ni rasa nk sangat tambah baby. Hubby kata sebab org sekeliling ramai dpt baby baru kot. Hurmm, mungkin juga..tapi doa kt Allah, kalau ak dan suami memang mampu pada ketika ini dari segala segi, kurniakanlah zuriat ke-3. Ak ni risau juga takut makin berumur nnt, komplikasi lg mcm2 or ak jd selesa sgt n xnk tambah baby baru ke..huhu, who knows right?

Balik pada citer tadi, esok test lg, sama mcm smlm, result tu sgt samar. Maka, ak pn mcm biasalah, mulakannoperasi membeli beberapa pregnancy test beza brand dan harga..so, after few test, confirm mmg pregnant 🤭🤭😁😁😁😁💯

Next step, fikir nk bgtau hubby bila n mcm mn? nak wt surprise ke mcm mana..1-2 hari je fikir, last bgtau juga esok mlm tu with no expenses at all..guna apa yg ada kt rumah. Siap soh hubby pakai baju dl, sebelum panggil masuk bilik, sbb nk rakam 🤣

18-05-2021

Set up table in my room, give some warm environment with the light and on aircond. Kemudian call him in. Kt sini xleh nak upload video. Yes he is surprised and ask serious s**tlah? carut pula dia ni..hahaha.
He is so excited, sitting right next to the table calling Harith and Ersyad to show the picture on table 🤭. Really love to see his response 🥰🥰

Teringatlah alkisah patutlah asyik rasa x sihat je sejak malam raya..badan cepat letih, rs nak demam. This time, penangan dia mmg lain mcm. 2 pregnancy sblm ni sangat minimal symptom2 yg dirasai tu 🤭. Everyday will experience nausea, tiredness and leg cramping. Pray Allah always gives His blessings to this baby supaya lahir dengan sihat.


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KENAPA PERLU JALANKAN AMANAH DENGAN BAIK

Sebelum ni, aku pernah ditugaskan untuk sediakan dokumen2 untuk masuk tender.

Tapi mungkin aku berguru dengan orang yang salah. Kami x dapat tender tu.


Di hari kemudian, aku dengar ada nak masuk tender. Tapi kepercayaan x diberikan pada aku. Aku redha. Bila orang atas tahu yang aku tahu tentang hal tu, mereka kata minta aku monitor. Tapi, aku tahu tu kata-kata untuk memujuk hati aku. Aku pun x adalah nak masuk campur sangat.


Apabila dokumen2 invitation to tender diterima. Aku tanyalah juga jika perlukan bantuan aku. Tapi PIC kata ok je tinggal dokumen2 dari staf yang blm dibuat. Sehingga 2 hari sebelum, katanya tinggal susun2 dokumen. Aku pun beri kepercayaan aku sahaja. Mungkin salah aku, aku x periksa. Tapi aku pun xnk micromanage sbb dia pun org lama, pengalaman dia lagi besar. Atas dasar rasa hormat, aku x adalah nk persoalkan apa2.


Sehari sebelum tarikh hantar tender, dia beri checklist pada aku dan detail dokumen untuk aku semak. Maka, aku pun tolong semak. Aku terdiam kejap. Sungguh banyak dokumen yang belum buat. YA, dokumen yang memang sedia ada, mungkin kau dah ada tapi dokumen2 yang kau kena create, semua x ada. Di depan aku hanya ada tender yang siap ala kadar.

Bila ditanya, katanya...alaa, tolak 1 markah je..yg tu tolak 1 markah je..xpe x ada..

Aku tak tau dia fikir mcm mana. Kau tau x kt luar tu org berebut2 nak dapatkan tender. Kau pula macam melepaskan batuk di tangga.

Akhir cerita, kami hantar dokumen, ya semua dokumen ada tapi dalam keadaan x siap seperti yang dikehendaki.


Kau rasa kenapa penting kau perlu buat ni dengan baik? Kalau kita dah usaha sehabis baik, kita boleh kata itu memang bukan rezeki kita. Tapi bila kau buat sambil lewa, memang kau sebenarnya memohon untuk kegagalan.

Cuba fikir, kalau x dapat tender tu, apa blh jadi? Income company kurang kan. So, apa kesannya?

- Pekerja tidak dinaikkan gaji

- Pekerja boleh dibuang kerja

- Kewangan syarikat nampak tidak baik - susah nak dapatkan tender2 lain

- Perkembangan syarikat pn terbatas

dan macam2 lagi..


TOLONGLAH BUAT KERJA DENGAN SEBAIKNYA


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How I learn most of the time


If there is no other commitments, I would have do this all day long..

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DAY 1 in new Pre-School and Playschool

Boys in early Morning

Its their first day school for 2020.

After 1 year in Little Caliph, decided to change Harith to TADIKA NALURI Kreatif.
Reasons for doing so is:
1. Better environment as its a landed house (more outdoor activities)
2. Harith seems not too excited going to Little Caliph after few months
3. There are other boys that Harith always state as the reasons he doesn't want to go to school
I really hope he will enjoy this pre-school through the year

cerita sebelum sampai, tertidur on the way

advance betul, thumb print gi school

Tarikan utama yg berjaya buat Harith nk school sini

Berpeluh2 main
This is what we call kids activity



Untuk Ahmad Ersyad pula, lepas ting tong sana sini, decided untuk hantar Future Totz Childcare Centre.
This was Harith's nursery before he went for pre-school.
They help a lot with Harith's gadget addiction (due to staying with grandparents).
After try my best to allocate the budget, manage to get Ersyad here as well.
The best part is, they changing it to playschool starting this year and its suit my heart's will well.




Before going by himself, I put both my sons here through Dec 2019, hoping Ersyad can adapt well with the new environment.
But of course he still cry every morning..just have to face it as currently he's having his separation anxiety phase.
It is my intention to expose him with lots of exposure that can stimulate his development well.
I really hope this effort worth.



















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2020

Its 2020
Image result for 2020

I put a meaning in this pic and choose it.
You can see how 0, 2, and 0 leaning on each other with a solid base of '2'.
So, if our base or we can take it as AZAM is strong enough, everything will keep standing eventhough not straight enough.

I had never have AZAM actually in my life previously.
Starting this year, I want to make a strong AZAM and purpose of life.

This blog will be the diary of my upcoming journey. Keeping all the memories that will make a better me.

So, my AZAM is simple.
I want to become a better person who always see myself as a success woman either as a person, a servant, a wife, a mother and even in my work path.

LIFE will not make it easy for us but we can make it easy when we start to control our destiny.

I pray so much that, all those dark days will not haunting me again as I want a better life with my family.

Image result for bismillah

BISMILLAHHIRRAHMANNIRRAHIM

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Main ke Belajar?

Last 2 weeks, me n husband pergi parenting seminar.

Its about how to deal with our children through their childhood.
One of the speaker keep highlighting the importance of play for the children.
And she doesn't agree that parents keep highlight the academic needs since young.

As for me, I do agree, our children need to play. Its their time to play.
And I always belief that we learn much more through play.
Yup its good for their EQ. Yes, EQ is very important..but we can't neglect the IQ part..
Somehow, they support each other in many ways.

For me, those with good EQ but low on IQ can survive if they on their own only
and those with good IQ but low on EQ can also survive but MORE STRUGGLE
but those with good EQ and good IQ can benefit others even the community so much more..
Its really difficult to explain or get my thought out on this particular things..
Its just something that you need to experience

Its undeniable that PLAY are for children but we must consider other aspect as well.
In the developed country, this concept is applicable. But for our country, which is a developing country where the citizens still struggling to earn a cents, where its still using the old-style education system, only Play will not work.

one thing we must remember, among children pun ada semangat kompetitif, ada perasaan ingin diterima di kalangan rakan-rakan sebaya.
In Malaysia, darjah 1 dah perlu membaca dan kenal nombor..so, secara x langsung, parents akan target untuk perkara tu.
Just imagine, bila kita terapkan main sahaja...no exposure to alphabets and numbers, masuk sekolah, when they see that their friends already know numbers and alphabets even reading and to calculate, how would they feel about themselves? belum hadap budak2 yg jenis mengejek lagi...all these does effect their EQ during that time...So? 

For me, the concept betul tp kita kena sesuaikan dengan environment kita..
contoh mcm kids in the war country, kita dah saksikan, budak 5-6 tahun dah pandai pegang all kind of guns..with the tactical move and byk lagi...kita nk kata mereka salah ke? parents mereka salah ke?

So, sesuaikanlah..

Sekarang kita banyak pilihan, tadika yang terapkan belajar dalam bermain pn dah banyak...
tak memaksa mereka untuk tahu semua, tp at least kita dah exposed them to things that required in our system..

Masing2 ada cara sendiri dalam mentafsir dan mengaplikasikan..x minta terima my way of thinking because everyone have their own pertimbangan dalam membuat keputusan n I respect that because I know niat semua sama, nk beri yang terbaik..

Oklah, hope bermanfaat..nk bla dah..office nk tutup.

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Job seeker



Its been a while since I seek for another job. Its not I'm ungrateful to work with my father which there are a lot of free time, more flexible time and etc. But, I need a life challenge, here particularly work challenge. So that, I can claim that I'm a success person.

Image result for job seeking

The reason of me furthering study to Master level is to equip myself with new skill to make it easier in applying job. But, when I put it in resume, employer tend to reject immediately maybe because they they don't want to pay more for me (for the extra degree). Why not, if I'm suit for the position, call me first, then ask if I'm OK with the pay they want to offer. I don't know, or maybe I'm not even reach their lowest requirement. Who knows.

This is cliche, the employer always prefer the experienced one. Its not easy to find the work experience or maybe we are the one who chose the starting job.

Thinking of swapping to other field. Need to start from the ground. I'm ok with it but as having my own family, its quite difficult when the salary can't match my commitment needs. At the end, I have to choose a good job with a good salary.

At the end, need to go back to Allah and ask Him to show His guidance in my career by Istikharah.

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Biting own tongue

 




I and my husband always fight over Chinese ancient drama (my favorite) and Tamil drama (his favorite). He is the one who always start it. While watching the drama (fighting scene), he will said, these Chinese drama always over react. Just a punch, and the blood spill out like a gallon. And I said back, its still can be accepted than the Tamil drama. I said to him, in Tamil drama, how hard the guy being punched, then fall from high place, hit by a car and etc; but he still ok. That what we call 'no logic'.

Image result for ancient chinese drama scene Image result for singham fighting scene

Almost every ancient chinese drama, there will be a scene where the actor/actress will bite their tongue in order to kill themselves. And 100% they will die immediately. Watching this just now (currently watching Legend of Hao Lan), reminded me of a patient during my housemanship in medical department 5 years ago.

During my tagging night around 10pm (I'm about to leave), the nurse suddenly call me saying the patient was biting his tongue and lot of bloods coming out. The patient was a post coma patient, at the time, her whole body was paralyze. I attend to her and saw her tongue was cut and bleeding. I asked the staff nurse to suction out the blood. At the same time, we put the oropharyngeal airway (or guedel) to prevent her from keep biting her tongue but she kept push the guedel out using her tongue. The last thing we did was tape in the guedel to her mouth and put gauzes to the side.

One-piece Guedel Airways.jpg
I was very mad at the time. I raised a bit of my voice and ask the patient to stop fighting our effort to stop her bleeding. Then, after a while, she stop (I think, she got tired). Then, while waiting for my MO to come, I sat at the nurse centre. They said that, the patient always try to bite her tongue as she want to die faster. Previously, during in ICU, her husband comes almost every day. But after few months, her husband rarely come and now only come once a week or biweekly.

My MO come and just ask if everything is ok. As I remembered, she did not go to the patient. She only do the report clerking based on our story to the computer. I really sad to see this kind of MO. Even in her management plan, she does not include to refer to psychologist or psychiatry department (I already suggest to her). After she went back to whereever she come (As I know, there are no other urgent cases she need to attend at the time). Then, I chart my part of reporting. I state in my management, to refer the patient to psychology department and to monitor her hourly as she was losing lots of bloods just now.

Then, I went to the patient bed. I gave her some advice. For whatever happened, u can be sad, u can cry out loud, but please don't harm or try to kill yourselves. Allah gave you this test, and you're getting lot of pahala for this. By killing yourselves, you will just go straight to the hell. Is it worth? I may not know or felt her pain at the time. I know she felt hopeless. In addition she was losing her moral support. Then, I said to her. I don't know what u feel about your husband, but there could be so many reason for him to come only one time a week. But to ease your thought, think positively. Maybe, he have lots of work need to be done back home. Maybe there are other problem that he can't tell you as he doesn't want to burden you. So, keep istighfar. Then, I saw her take a breath and I can see her cooling down. After about 15 minutes, I came back to her bed, and I can see her sleeping calmly. Then only, I went back home (Tomorrow need to punch in before 7am)


I'm not bragging out
its just my satisfaction






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Restart blogging

Macam biasa..lama dah x usik blog ni..
Ak ingat lepas ni nk start berblogging regularly..
As ak ni banyak benda nk luah..tapi x ada yang nk melayan..
Ooh ye, as ak nk improve semula English ak. jadi ak akan speaking ya di sini.

For the start, I will recap my Ramadhan 1440H journey
1. Ersyad was admitted on 5th of Ramadhan for 5 nights with diagnosis of acute bronchiolitis. Was started on Flixotide inhaler.


2. Ersyad and Harith was admitted on 18th of Ramadhan for 4 nights with same diagnosis.


3. Having the big family iftar at Hospital on 20th of Ramadhan (D4 of admission)



As for Syawal, we are very grateful that we can celebrate the Eid outside from the hospital. This year is Adam's turn for Eid. So, went back to Penang for 5 days.



Having 7 days staying together with his cousins, Harith having wild habit as well. Not saying my son is better but before he is very soft and gentle but like to disturb his friends once in a while. After the cousin's exposure, he like to push and kick his brother or other kids. I'm really sad on this. Need to polish him back.

Its different for being weak and being soft. Its also different for being strong and being rough.
For me, having too much small kids and being out of control is not an excuse to let you child act roughly at their will. If you can't manage, control your childbirth space in the future (Sorry for the harshness). I really hate when my in-laws said that my sons are weak or said my husband is a loser even they just meant to joke. But I as in-law just can make a poker face.

During this Eid, I'm being really upset for all the sudden change of plan + my son being bullied + long in-transport-time. Its exhausting body and mind. But, that is the nature when we are having our time with others. Not everyone want to compensate with others. Sometimes their selfishness kill others joy.

The last thing to do is, just forgave all.


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Personality by body figure..betul ke idok

Hari ni tengok FB, ramai pula post n matchkan diri dengan personality by bahasa tubuh.
So, ak nk tengok ak punya. (Ak x bahas semua, letak yg ak punya je, nk tgk korg punya, boleh tekan link)

Tangan (tekan sini untuk korg punya): 


Yg ni ak no 2

If you like to fold your arms with your left hand resting on top of your right arm, then you're a pragmatic person who likes to look at things logically, not letting your feelings color your judgment. You like to carefully analyze problems before you make a decision.

You're known among your friends for your intelligence and quick wit, and you can make a room burst into laughter with your sarcastic one-liners. You're incredibly sharp and can see through lies instantly, making it hard for people to deceive you or cheat you.

Your suave approach to courting makes people fall head-over-heels in love with you because of your smooth pick-up lines and cool personality make you quite the catch. Your partners connect with you on an intellectual level, and you enjoy the deep conversations you can have with them.


Kaki  (tekan sini untuk korg punya):


Yg ni aku posisi C, x sopan kn? hahahha

Posisi C..Individu ini mementingkan keselesaan. Tidak berfikiran terburu – buru dan kebiasaannya mereka akan berfikir panjang sehingga mengambil masa berhari – hari sebelum membuat keputusan. Ini keranan mereka ingin semuanya sempurna dan berjalan dengan lancar.Kehidupan mereka biasanya tidak teratur namun mereka tahu bagaimana untuk mengatur hidup mereka. Mempunyai masalah untuk memberi tumpuan kerana fikiran mereka sering mengembara.


Lines on palm (garis di tapak tangan) (tekan sini untuk korg punya):


Yg ni aku Equal

You tend to strive for balance in your life. You have an intrinsic motivation to do things right and comfort people when times are dark and bleak. 
If such is the alignment on your palms, you are likely to be very gentle in your relationships. Your sensitivity will likely build a strong foundation for your romance and your partner will love it. 
Due to this tendency, you often wait for your partner to make the first move. If they are the right one, then your relationship will be magical for a long time. 

Shape of Thumb (tekan sini untuk korg punya):

Aku rasa this one more to C, tp ada D juga sikit
Utk C - Equal upper & lower halves
If your thumb fits in this category then you're the perfect disciple of the yin-yang theory of life. You strive to live in harmony and try your fullest to get people together to the middle ground. Balance is one of the core elements you live your life by, and nothing else other than finding the perfect equilibrium would suffice your desire. 
You're naturally inclined towards finding a perfect balance in anything and everything you do, and you strongly believe that for each and every action there's an equal opposite reaction. Thus you go through your life believing that for every bad, there's a good; for every negative, there's a positive; and for every setback, there's a way ahead. It wouldn't be wrong to say that your primary aim is to attain physical, spiritual, and emotional harmony.
Utk D - Flexible 
If you have a flexible thumb, then you've been given the ultimate gift of adaptation. You're very flexible in nature and are able to change with the needs of the time, thus making you a natural born survivor. Moreover, you're the first one to sense a changing situation and change accordingly with it. 
One of the most important traits of your personality is that you are extremely empathetic. People feel very comfortable in sharing their views with you as you are always open to seeing other's perspectives, and acknowledge what they have to say. It's this quality of adapting to the changing scenarios that makes you a perfect survivor. 

Middle finger line (tekan sini)

Types of middle fingers
Ni lebih kepada menunjukkan how I'm dealing with people who mess with me
So, for this one, ak punya B

You're the most cheerful and happy person around, kind to everyone who treats you well. However, once someone tries to mess with you, boy are they in big trouble. You have zero tolerance for bulls**t and will do anything to ensure that justice is served.
Perhaps your biggest resource is that you are able to play your enemies' game and beat them at it. You match wit for wit, blow for blow, and find ways to beat them on their own turf, humiliating them and ensuring that they never mess with you again.
You're the champion of the weak and a warrior of justice for those who cannot fight for themselves, and your boldness and courage are your strongest weapons, taking an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. However, people often underestimate you because of how nice you are as a person, giving you the element of surprise to lead with.

Ok r tu, kalau jumpa lagi yg lain, ak masuk lg nnt..hahaha
Overall, about 70-80% suits my real character, before it is affected by my depression.

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Aku Hamba Hina

Ya Allah,
Engkau beri aku banyak nikmat

Namun,
Aku menjadi rakus
Aku menjadi alpa

Aku mengejarnya
Di saat Engkau mengambilnya kembali
Aku sesak
Kakiku belari mengejar
Mengejar tanpa hala tuju

Aku berhenti menadah tangan
Di saat Engkau mengambilnya kembali
Aku jatuh
Tanganku mencari-cari
Segala serpihan yang berderai

Aku rakus mengejar kepuasan diri
Aku rakus mengejar kebanggan manusia
Bukankah aku seharusnya rakus mencari cintaMu
Ampunilah hambaMu yang hina ini

Aku alpa untuk terus berdoa kepadaMu
Aku alpa bahawa aku harus terus menadah tangan meminta daripadamu
Dan aku tidak seharusnya alpa bahawa itu semua hanya pinjaman semata-mata
Ampunilah hambaMu yang hina ini



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Duit habis

Tgh bulan baru berlepas beberapa hari..
Duit sume dh habis..tinggal cukup2 untuk bayar yuran taska Harith bln depan..

Rasa bersalah pada Harith buat duit beratus2 melayang..

Conference untuk mengambil hati supervisor buat beribu2 melayang

Keghairahan nak menyambuy newcomer pn membuat dompet hanya dihiasi resit2 berpanjang jela...

Allahu..aku kena redha, take it as long-term investment..

Demi psikologi anak, demi keadilan dan demi career yang lebih baik..yg penting semua niat kerana Allah..nak jalankan amanah yg diberi dengan terbaik.

Apalah sgt duit2 tu..insyaaAllah, rezeki lain luas terbentang lagi Allah sediakan..ameen..

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Harith Miracle Day

Lama x usik blog ni. Arini trgerak hati nk berblogging :)

Another day bangun bersedia dengan kerenah Harith yang bakal dihadapi..
Pukul 7 dah usik2 dia soh bangun supaya nnt cepat sikit dia mengantuk untuk tidur di taska.
Bangun2, Harith nak ikut ke dapur buat susu dia. Habis minum susu, manja2 sekejap dengan dia atas katil.

Then, lps mandi, dia minta atuk pakaikan pampers n baju. Pastu dia dtg kt mama dia ni n cakap jom..
Err.. Betul ke ni? Harith ambil beberapa mainan dia n masukkan dlm paper bag n siap gi tunggu depan pintu..good sign..ak pn cepat2lah siap..

Dlm kereta, Harith diam je..merenung jauh ke luar..Sampai2, dia turun n jalan ke pintu taska tanpa rengekan atau air mata..Alhamdulillah...

X sempat pula nak ambil gambar..hp cas kt rmh.

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A New Year with new Me

Lama x memblogging secara permanent..hahaha

Baru delete all those blog during my dark years..
Xnk mengenang benda sedih..

tgk2 blk blog lama..ada puisi cinta...untuk kekasih yag dirindui namun x tahu siapa

Ya Allah
jika aku jatuh cinta
cintakanlah aku pada seseorang
yang melabuhkan cintanya padaMu
agar bertambah kekuatanku
untuk menyintaiMu

Ya Muhaimin
jika aku jatuh hati
izinkanlah aku menyentuh hati
seseorang yang hatinya tertaut padaMu
agar aku tidak terjatuh
dalam jurang cinta nafsu

Ya Rabbana
jika aku jatuh hati
jagalah hatiku padanya
agar tidak berpaling
dari hatiMu

Ya Rabbul Izzati
jika aku rindu
rindukanlah aku pada seseorang
yang merindui syahid di jalanMu


Ya Allah
jika aku meikmati cinta kekasihMu
janganlah kenikmatan itu
melebihi kenikmatan indahnya
bermunajat di sepertiga malam terakhirMu

Ya Allah
jika aku jatih hati pada kekasihMu
jangan biarkan aku tertatih dan terjatuh
dalam perjalanan panjang
menyeru manusia kepadaMu

Ya Allah
jika Kau menghalalkan aku merindui kekasihMu
jangan biarkan aku melampaui batas
sehingga melupakan aku pada cinta hakiki
dan rindu abadi yang hanya kepadaMu

Amin...


Next post, akan ak recap apa yg missing..insyaaAllah all happy things :)



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His 1st visit

Today is his 1st visit after merisik
He comes with his 3 other friends
Upon arrival, he call me for the 1st time to ask for direction

Aku yang sangat segan, tanpa berfikir terus lari cari papa
n...
aku pass phone kt papa...
hehehe...

X boleh nk ambik gambar, nnt dia perasan..
Hanya mampu tgk dari tepi..tp tgk sipi2 jer
Segan plk kalau dia nmpak nnt...

After dia balik, dia bagi msg kt bawah ni


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Merisik

We get to know each other via a friend of my mother which also a friend of his mother

As u can see in the pic, we start our conversation on 06.02.2014


On the 10th (15.02.14) day of our 'perkenalan
His family come for 'merisik'





Everything goes well
Abang asyik kenakan aku jer
Haisshhh...
1st impression...''kenapa botak pulak ni (>.<'')"   :P




I accept because I'd mt promise with Allah that I will accept the 1st person who come for my hand no matter I know him or not...

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